Remember, attachment forms over time. Missing one opportunity to bond with your child will not prevent the two of you from becoming securely attached, but a pattern of missed opportunities might. What follows are some overarching guidelines to help you build attachment with your child from babyhood to the time begin formal schooling.
Ask yourself: What can I do to help my child know how much I care for her and love her, and how important she is to me?
This is a lot easier than you might think. Reflect on the times when you are with your child but not interacting with her. A gentle touch, a kind word, a listening ear, a helping hand—children need these! Bear in mind that babies may not understand words, but they do understand the way words are spoken.
Ask yourself: What can I do to keep from feeling overwhelmed?
Life is busy, and it is sometimes difficult to choose responses to children that help build attachment. When you are feeling irritated or hurried, remember: it is okay to sometimes take a time-out for yourself. Call a friend or relative who may be able to watch your child while you take a walk, take a bubble bath or engage in some other activity that will help you relax and recharge. If temporary stress causes you to miss an opportunity to connect with your child, don’t beat yourself up over it! Make a mental note and promise to not miss a similar opportunity the next time.
Your goal is to provide your child with a stable environment in which he or she feels loved, cared for, safe and valued.
Use the suggestions that are expressed below in the L.O.V.E. guidelines to help you develop a caring, attached relationship with your child.
Let your child know you love him with hugs, kisses, holding, touching and smiles as often as you can!
Offer her security and support by being there for her when she is learning new things, when she is sad or upset, as well as happy.
Vocalize your feelings to your child. Tell him daily how much you love him and care about him, and how important he is to you.
Even when you are angry and upset, use patience, and let her know that you don’t like the behavior, but you LOVE her!
